man vs. god

There was no let there be light. There was just a timeless hour when vaporous abstraction, void of sentience or word or reason, deviated into something slightly more conducive to the inception of human experience. And light, the derivation of all life forms, the burning energy that doubled back upon itself into consciousness & brainwaves, the fulcrum of ferocious pink-ribbon sunsets... light, of course, remains so highly regarded among us, as our existence is contingent upon it. So the almighty Deus Ex Machina of the universe must have blessed such relevant glory with his most famous words.

...If anything, there was only a feeble human parody of Deus that cries "let there be streetlight!"

All praying to that mighty Deus Ex Machina to spare us of the human drama yet.

Never in the throes of a human’s soul was there suffering if not alone. No sorrow without the solitary confines of a single human body. There is no other inside.

Sometimes I wonder if my godlessness means I am alone; I wonder if it is my suffering. Or if it is a belief [read: defense mechanism] that really does assuage cosmic disappointment.

How can I trust in an omnipresent but invisible, uncannily humanoid but eternal/vast/unfathomable, loving but alone GOD, ULTIMATE, THE ONE?

Yet how can I subsist without it?

Man versus God: is our existence contingent upon god, or god contingent upon us?

...Nothing left but to nurse my ripped ego with lonely promises of time-ripened knowledge, incessant learning...

The farthest I ever get on the infinite path of enlightenment is a delicate awareness of something perpetually on the horizon [forever dawning, forever dusk]. The farthest I ever get on the infinite path of enlightenment is a string of trembling hopes of attainment that only shatter when I become aware of them and futility washes over; endless stunted epiphanies and consequent unrevelation. And the horizon travels wherever I go; my perception never escapes to something more, to the light.

...Starving for god-ness because of my loneliness, destroying my god-ness because of my loneliness, knowing I will never know...

Retreat to the blinding light; retreat to the blinding dark.

There's no way out. There's no reason to fight it.

Yet we all do, anyway.